God of Limericks

Jess' Dress Mess

2008-03-17T18:46:00.003-06:00

A painter named Jess made a mess,
She spilled some paint onto her dress,
The children all stared,
But then they got scared,
So they all went home to play chess.

Martian Monroe

2008-03-16T18:06:00.000-06:00

There was a green UFO,
Thirty feet wide or so.
A martian came out,
And without a doubt,
It had to be Marilyn Monroe.

Fly By

2008-03-15T22:23:00.002-06:00

A small bird was flying too high,
The other birds all wondered why,
It's so high overhead,
It must surely be dead,
So the largest bird let out a sigh.

Pete's Stinkin' Feet

2008-03-13T16:56:00.001-06:00

Pete had some stinky feet,
They reeked of rotten meat.
He took off his shoes,
And sipped on some booze,
And passed out right on the street.

The God Of Limericks Triumphant Return

2006-03-22T16:24:00.000-06:00

The limerick well had gone dry,
Which encited a worldwide sigh.
But may all of ye hear,
There is no need to fear,
For The God Of Limericks is nigh.

A Bizarre Car By Far

2006-03-03T16:45:00.000-06:00

Phil Jones drove a car made of glass,
But the seats were made out of brass,
So when he drove by,
People would cry,
Phil Jones must be very high class.

Dancing Bugs Me

2006-03-02T21:02:00.000-06:00

A tall man was wearing green pants,
That were totally covered with ants.
He stopped by a tree,
And said "Look at me!",
As he did a hilarious dance.

A Toad's Trash

2006-02-28T16:11:00.000-06:00

I saw a thing on the road,
From my humble abode.
There was no mystery,
As to it's history,
It was left there by a toad.

Ancient Artist

2006-02-27T16:34:00.000-06:00

There was an old woman from France,
Who painted designs on her pants,
But when she went out,
And wandered about,
No one ever gave them a glance.

The Price of Cole

2006-02-26T14:49:00.000-06:00

Cole was a curious mole,
Who lived inside of a hole,
Until Mr. McGrew,
Payed a buck fifty two,
To purchase the home of young Cole.

The Flame Blame Game

2006-02-24T14:25:00.000-06:00

A sparrow flew out of a tree,
And went flying out over the sea,
But when it returned,
The tree had been burned,
But I swear it was not burned by me.

Unlucky Ducky

2006-02-23T16:57:00.000-06:00

Ronald was an old duck,
Who had clearly run out of luck.
He was stuck in the rain,
And was hit by a train,
And then by a pickup truck.

Bad Mouse Bandit

2006-02-22T17:08:00.000-06:00

A mouse snuck into a store.
He had never been there before.
And when he ran out,
There was no doubt,
He'd stolen two dollars or more.

Bob's Cruel Death

2006-02-20T22:05:00.000-06:00

Bob was an utter tool,
A completely useless fool.
Then one day he died,
And no one cried,
Which his mother thought was quite cruel.

A Mean Monkey

2006-02-16T18:44:00.000-06:00

A monkey was not being nice,
He was throwing around lumps of rice.
I did not know it,
And then I got hit,
Then the monkey tried to hit me twice.

Mysterious Dr. Pat

2006-02-15T18:59:00.000-06:00

Dr. Pat was extremely fat,
His face looked much like a rat.
He was very short,
Though I must report,
He wore an extravegent hat.

A Very Special Valentines Limerick

2006-02-14T15:19:00.000-06:00

Valentines day is so nice,
I wish that it could happen twice,
To double the fun,
For everyone,
Then again, that would double the price.

Hungry Hungry Hog

2006-02-12T11:11:00.000-06:00

A badger was trapped in a log,
With a bat and a cat and a dog,
But the badger got free,
And said "look at me!"
And was then gobbled up by a hog.

Smart Fart Thompson

2006-02-10T15:43:00.000-06:00

Thompson let out a fart,
He was still a boy at heart.
Then he lit a match,
And started to scratch,
Which wasn't very smart.

Winter Is For Turtles

2006-02-09T21:22:00.000-06:00

A turtle fell into some snow,
Where he met a beligerant crow,
The crow asked to fight,
And the turtle just might,
For the crow had stepped on his toe.

Rock Star Turned Zoo Keeper

2006-02-08T19:06:00.000-06:00

Marty was drinking some gin,
Because he was a has-been.
He left his band,
With cash in hand,
To open a zoo in Berlin.

A Bad Place To Be

2006-02-07T16:13:00.000-06:00

Squirrels can live in a tree,
But that isn't a good place for me,
Because squirrels can bite,
And it doesn't feel right,
So I guess I will live in the sea.

Ed's Pizza Gorgemundo

2006-02-06T13:21:00.000-06:00

Ed ate a pizza for brunch,
And two or three more for lunch.
He won't get much thinner,
If he has one for dinner,
If one follows their hunch.

Cavern of Cowardice

2006-02-05T19:31:00.000-06:00

Dave had got lost in a cave,
Where he met a frightening knave,
Dave played a trick,
And he ran away quick,
Because Dave in the cave wasn't brave.

Tricky Thief

2006-02-04T13:50:00.000-06:00

A thief had a trick up it's sleeve,
That served to deceive the naive.
He never was caught,
Or so he thought,
Until it was time to leave.

Friend on a Stick

2006-02-03T14:57:00.000-06:00

Old Beezley once lived in a tomb,
It didn't have very much room,
But Beezley was snug,
And befriended a bug,
That he carried around on a broom.

Baby Gone Wild

2006-02-02T21:02:00.000-06:00

A baby was eating some cheese,
As he crawled around on his knees.
He pooped in his pants,
As he drooled on the plants,
And filled his nostrils with peas.

Small Time Crime Rhyme

2006-02-01T15:49:00.000-06:00

Some burglars broke into a store,
And quickly made off with the door.
The police then gave chase,
At a desperate pace,
But quit at a quarter to four.

Bubba Goes Huntin'

2006-01-31T22:48:00.000-06:00

Bubba was hunting some geese,
To give to his favorite niece.
But his neice was his mom,
And was kind of dumb,
So he left the poor birds in peace.

Nick's Stick Trick

2006-01-30T15:45:00.000-06:00

Nick tied a pail to a stick,
It was all a part of his trick.
He filled it with glue,
And limabeans too,
And used it to hit his friend Rick.

Marionette Debt Collection

2006-01-29T16:01:00.000-06:00

Brett is a marionette,
Whose face I'll never forget.
For I lent him some cash,
And his face I will smash,
If he dosn't repay his debt.

A Lesson in Etiquette

2006-01-28T14:58:00.000-06:00

A mansion was teeming with thugs,
Who where making a mess on the rugs.
It seemed quite contrived,
When the owner arrived,
And gave the intruders all hugs.

How Frogs Die

2006-01-27T11:39:00.000-06:00

Three frogs lived in a small bog,
That was thickly covered in fog.
One of them died,
The other two cried,
Until they were chewed by a dog.

Night Fight Party

2006-01-26T15:35:00.000-06:00

On a cold and dark winters night,
A man and a moose had a fight,
They swung metal bats,
And wore metal hats,
Oh what a mystical sight.

Church Mouse Thief Lurcher

2006-01-25T16:42:00.000-06:00

A mouse lived in an old church,
Where he kept watch from his perch.
When he spotted some cheese,
He snatched it with ease,
In a quick and sudden lurch.

Plaid Dad

2006-01-24T17:29:00.000-06:00

There once was a small boy named Brad,
Who went to the zoo with his dad.
Brad went for a snack.
And when he got back,
His dad wore a suit made of plaid.

Wrong Song

2006-01-24T00:05:00.000-06:00

Dennis was singing a song,
And his mother was singing along.
But they sang too loud,
And attracted a crowd,
Who thought they were singing it wrong.

Rich Rats

2006-01-22T19:17:00.000-06:00

Four rats were sailing a plank,
When all of a sudden it sank.
They fell overboard,
And then they explored,
Until they wound up in a bank.

Soft Rock

2006-01-20T18:03:00.000-06:00

Some bluebirds were flying aloft,
As the children below them all scoffed,
The kids threw some stones,
To break the birds bones,
But the stones that they threw were too soft.

Monkey Lives With Junkie

2006-01-19T18:00:00.000-06:00

Ralph was a chunky old monkey,
Who lived in a box with a junkie.
In the box that they shared,
Everyone stared,
For they smelled extremely funky.

Slight Light Oversight

2006-01-18T19:38:00.000-06:00

There once was a great chef named Krandal,
Who carried his pots by the handle,
But when his hand burned,
Poor Krandal soon learned,
That he should not pick up a lit candle.

Dale in Jail

2006-01-17T11:42:00.000-06:00

Ol' Dale couldn't make bail,
So he spent the night in jail.
He started to weep,
And then fell asleep,
And woke up in a rusty pail.

A Brief Swim

2006-01-16T15:15:00.000-06:00

Some children went in to the sea,
Splashing and swimming with glee.
They wanted to stay,
But they all ran away,
When the youngest one started to pee.

Vain Wayne

2006-01-15T13:51:00.000-06:00

Wayne was drinking champagne,
While twirling his golden cane.
To impress his mother,
And his big brother,
But I guess it was all in vain.

Selective Sherpa

2006-01-14T17:48:00.000-06:00

Three dogs fell into some glue.
They didn't know what they should do.
A sherpa came by,
And gave it a try,
But decided to only save two.

Old Garbage Man

2006-01-12T16:44:00.000-06:00

An old man lived in Japan,
Where he was a garbage man.
He picked up the trash,
And got a skin rash,
From a rusty tin can.

Relocation Frustration

2006-01-11T14:33:00.000-06:00

A hobo sat out in the rain,
To watch a departing plane.
When the plane went,
It blew down his tent,
So he had to go live on a train.

Mean Timmy

2006-01-10T22:43:00.000-06:00

Timmy was throwing some berries,
That were given to him by fairies.
One by one,
Until he was done,
He threw them at my canaries.

An Odd Tree

2006-01-09T15:00:00.000-06:00

A tree was made out of chrome,
With leaves that were made out of foam.
A tourist once said,
That tree appears dead,
And he promptly returned to his home.

Fox Socks

2006-01-08T15:02:00.000-06:00

A fox was wearing green socks,
He found them in a small box.
They reeked of cheese,
And were full of fleas,
So he smashed them upon some rocks.

Pizza Bear

2006-01-07T15:15:00.000-06:00

A bear ran a pizza shop,
Where people would often stop,
To pick up a slice,
At a reasonable price,
Despite all the brown fur on top.

Midget Rider Part 4

2006-01-05T16:34:00.000-06:00

The King snapped the midget's poor neck,
You could hear it from even Quebec.
He fell on his head,
And the midget was dead,
So the King said "What the heck?"

THE END

Subway Rockstar

2006-01-04T14:20:00.000-06:00

I'll tell you about Jaffar,
He lifted a subway car.
He looked beneath,
To search for Keith,
And found an electric guitar.

Midget Rider Part 3

2006-01-03T14:12:00.000-06:00

The midget decided to leave,
Or so you might believe.
He got back on his goat,
But was grabbed by the throat,
For the King was not so naive.

To be continued...

A Brown Bear

2006-01-02T17:08:00.000-06:00

A bear was mauling a clown,
Right in the middle of town.
When he was dead,
The children all said,
"That cute teddybear is brown."

Midget Rider Part 2

2006-01-01T16:45:00.000-06:00

The midget walked through the gate,
He was almost certainly late.
The King was quite mad,
Which was really too bad,
For the midget was quite irate.

To be continued...

Trucker Dog

2005-12-31T17:47:00.000-06:00

A dog had a hat on his head,
"Trucker" is what the hat said,
But the dog could not drive,
And he did not survive,
So the trucker dog is now dead.

Midget Rider Part 1

2005-12-30T20:31:00.000-06:00

A midget was riding a goat,
So that he could cross the moat.
He arrived at the gates,
And undid his skates,
And donned his sheepskin coat.

To be continued...

Brent's Tent

2005-12-30T20:26:00.000-06:00

Brent went into the tent,
It was clearly made of cement.
When he came out,
There was no doubt,
This was an odd event.

Monkey Cycling Party

2005-12-29T12:41:00.000-06:00

Three monkeys rode on a bike,
It was something that all of them liked.
When one fell off the side,
The other two sighed,
"Again we must stop and get Mike."

Slime Drive

2005-12-27T16:14:00.000-06:00

A farmer bought a new truck,
And drove it around in some muck.
Deep in the sludge,
The truck would not budge,
So the farmer cried "My truck is stuck!"

Today is Boxing Day

2005-12-26T20:21:00.000-06:00

Today is Boxing Day,
"So what?" is what you might say.
You get a good deal,
At the stores, dear Niel,
So get on your jolly way.

Bad Buoyancy

2005-12-26T20:14:00.000-06:00

A pineapple fell off a boat,
And landed in a royal moat.
The king cried boo hoo,
What can I do?
My pineapples don't ever float.

Tree Troubles

2005-12-24T14:15:00.000-06:00

An old man name Boris McGee,
Climbed to the top of a tree,
But Boris was big,
He broke off a twig,
And quickly fell into the sea.

Pierre's Hair Scare

2005-12-23T15:19:00.000-06:00

One day a man named Pierre,
Decided to cut his own hair.
But his scissors did slip,
And he cut his own lip,
And gave poor Pierre quite a scare.

Opera Bar

2005-12-23T14:15:00.000-06:00

A man drove his car to a bar,
And lit up a Cuban cigar.
He ordered a drink,
And tried to lip sync,
The songs of an opera star.

Goblin Sales

2005-12-22T14:11:00.000-06:00

A goblin was selling fried rice,
At half his competitors price,
But being no fool,
He made up a rule,
That everyone had to pay twice.

Dog vs. Hog

2005-12-21T11:19:00.000-06:00

A dog jumped over a log,
And landed on top of a hog.
They wrestled around,
All over the ground,
Until they fell in a bog.

Fleeing Feline

2005-12-21T11:15:00.000-06:00

An old man purchased a cat.
He kept its leash tied to his hat.
When the cat ran away,
It took his toupe,
And the old man shouted "Oh Drat!".

Unlucky Duck

2005-12-21T11:14:00.000-06:00

A bird flew past a blue duck.
The duck had the most awful luck.
The bird hit its side,
And they both sank and died,
And the duck said the bird was a schmuck.

War Boar

2005-12-20T19:58:00.001-06:00

A boar came home from the war,
He barely fit through the door.
His pants fell down,
In the middle of town,
And everyone fell to the floor.

Gizzard Pie

2005-12-20T19:58:00.000-06:00

There once was a magical wizard,
He cooked up a pie made of gizzard.
He ate it all up,
Then threw up in his cup,
And later died in a blizzard.

Roller Cop Blues

2005-12-20T19:57:00.000-06:00

There once was a grand old roller cop,
He slipt on a patch of pig slop.
He fell on his face,
Oh, what a disgrace,
The cop had to retrieve a mop .

Pig Wig

2005-12-20T19:56:00.000-06:00

A pig was wearing a wig,
It was quite clearly much to big.
It fell off his head,
And he thought he was dead,
So his family did a grand jig.

Gnome Dome Extravaganza

2005-12-20T19:49:00.000-06:00

A gnome fell into a dome,
It was much bigger than his home.
He slept in a chair,
And then on a dare,
Fashioned a shoe made of foam.

Welcome

2005-12-20T19:35:00.000-06:00

It is I, the God of Limericks who beckons ye to read my entrancing rhymes of glory and regency at every available opportunity bestowed upon you.